Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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