Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
