Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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