Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize