Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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