I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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