Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
