chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That's when you crack a 10am beer
and she was petting her beer can
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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