did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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