I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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