so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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