I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
