Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
