I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
