That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
