so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize