2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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