I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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