She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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