I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
