I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
