Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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