Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
