What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
