ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
