Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
