walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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