We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
