Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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