a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
