glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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