you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize