does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
