She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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