She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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