we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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