I think I died a long time ago.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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