saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
