shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
