Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this hospital has no fireball
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize