I want to have your abortion
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
