Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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