I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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