if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
