I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
even my farts smell like vagina
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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