my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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