there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
