I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
