i think my tv is drunk
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
