like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
