Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
