Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
