At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
