Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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