; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
