I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
