My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
