he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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