now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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