We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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