CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
