She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
