i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
