The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
