I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
