I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
