moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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