I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
