This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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