Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
