some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
