i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
