just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
