I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
