i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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