it was like his penis was on wheels.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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