jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
