You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize