I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize