I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
