You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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