i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
