So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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